Antsy Angsty Note

Join me in this weeknote as I self indulgently fret over my privileged and fortunate existence. I'm glad you're here but why do you read these notes again?

• This week the Sunday evening feels spilled into a week long saga. What do I want for my career? Wait, do I even care for a career or is that just what the man wants me to think? I'm a sad, stupid potato. How have I grown recently? What does grown even mean? I sprouted a beard, but that doesn’t make me feel less like a stupid potato. I like potatoes. Boil them. Mash them. Put them in a stew.
• To try and figure out on what skills I wanted to develop I listened to Meri Williams' talk, career vectors for technical leaders. In her talk Meri defines a number of career vectors, skills to focus on to prepare for different kinds of roles. That including aspects like hands-on technical knowledge, tech strategy, commercial understanding, etc. The key isn't to aim to be great at all vectors but to think about where your current skillet sits along the vectors, which vectors you enjoy, which you currently employ in your role, and how that compares to other roles. I love the way of thinking but wasn't in the right mind-frame to assess myself. I got into a hot mess trying to figure out what I want, throwing around vague ambitions, that may or may not be my own, and slapping on numbers.
• Okay, I thought, let's not focus on work. Probably if I had an allotment to sit in I'd feel better. So I read figuring out what you need to flourish in the new year which I had bookmarked from somewhere(?) The article suggests a less goal/output orientated way of figuring out what to aim for but again I was in no place to think about soup.
• I bought all this up with my manager, prematurely, as incoherent babble. "Something something new! Something something! Angst angst angst. Startup? Angst angst angst. Something something something! Oh no, I don't want to talk about it."
• Anyway antsy ambition does not mix with angsty despondency. It might be the lockdown effect, I'm feeling much more chilled out now and think I should probably come back to more ambitious thinking later.
• In my last weeknote I was a bit snarky but the Financial Times product strategy is exciting. If it turns out I am after a different challenge after all, as well as an allotment, there's sure to be plenty of interesting projects to get involved with. Our CPO, John Kundert, has written about the FT Subs and Product Strategy on LinkedIn. I love the focus on people, diversity, and inclusion. Don't let my rambling mini-crisis put you off. The FT is a great place to work, and is hiring!
• It's my birthday soon and I shall celebrate early this evening with a big dirty vegan takeaway, there are a bunch of excellent restaurant and takeaway options nearby our new place. Nom nom nom. Surely that'll push down any lingering antsy angst.
• Have a good weekend ✌️